Or… Wow, HE really HAS been there that long….
Well, in a previous entry I suggested that Loki & Angrboda would get their own entries, this is the first of those.
So, I find myself in the position of being one of Lokis Devotees…. It seemed to be very sudden to me (‘seemed’ being the operative word here) but in reality He was there from the very beginning. I do mean the very beginning. I was 4, lived in the country with a stream running through our property and I was digging as 4 year olds tend to do and I hit red clay at a point. I didn’t think of a natural change in the soil I thought I had found a world of fire. And that it was of course the most natural thing in the world to find a world a fire in ones driveway. Somehow from that point on I just knew that there was more in the invisible world than anyone was willing to talk about – especially with a 4 year old little girl, but still I knew it and never surrendered to the idea that what I was told was the only reality. Luckily I had incredible parents who never once told me I was wrong about things like that – even if they could not reconcile it with their own belief system.
As I grew up things got… weird, well actually crazy. I didn’t know it at the time but I began to manifest behaviors consistent with bipolar disorder around the age of 11 which manifested in exploring things that most 11 year olds didn’t/shouldn’t explore. Ultimately I ended up being a very forward teenager who was very confident and free with my affections, to say the least. I loved drama and thrived on attention. I never disbelieved in magic either, or any of the things that most ‘normal’ people thought of as silly or unbelievable. Hmm sound familiar?
Fast forward a few years and I’m at a pagan festival dancing around the fire deeply tranced. It was early in the evening and the fire had been burning for the past 3-4 days. I thought I had tripped on one of the stones surrounding the fire circle, later I had many people tell me that I was nudged or pushed by a shadow made of fire. The result of which was me, falling into the fire and rolling with my back across the heart of the flames in the center of the pit. I was down for as long as it took the fire safety folks to run the mile plus from the main gate to the fire to see me get out of the fire unscathed. By all accounting I was untouched by the fire. I bear no scar of the flame lest one counts the phoenix I had tattooed on my shoulder a few weeks later.
Years go by, my kindred freely honors Loki as Óðinn’s blood brother. Typically with my Goðhi raising his horn to Óðinn and I to Loki. It was simply always like that. I knew of course that Loki was ‘persona non grata’ in many places but I could just never see that. Mostly because I looked at the whole picture I suppose, or maybe I was just biased… could be either really. But even then He seemed rather content to ‘wait in the wings’ I see now. Waiting (I now know) for me to be ready to Hear and See Him. He waited a long time, very long time. He nudged at me here and there every now and again (a book here and there and that one time I ‘tripped’ into the sacred fire at Lothloriens Elf Fest when the fire had been stoked and tended for 4 days when I ‘fell’) but was oddly quiet and very very patient – which if I had noticed then I would have been very shocked. Seeing it now it surprises me very very little. Of course this comes after spending 5 years in service to Hela and infinite other lessons on that subject through the Disir and the Dwarves.
He stayed quiet until this past June when the shit hit the fan at this years Troth moot and its policies regarding Honoring Loki at their events. At which point a tsunami of emotion flooded through me that I didn’t know I had. And that is when it REALLY begun. He decided apparently that He had waited long enough. And He had. As near as I can see in hindsight He has been around since I was probably 4 yrs. old. 40 years… Then Galina Krasskova did a Blog project http://krasskova.weebly.com/1/category/july%202012%20loki%20project/1.html
A month for Loki: an offering a day and all that
And I did it along with I’m sure countless other devotees of His. And I learned, and loved what I learned and I began to see the patterns appear and the wrinkles flatten out. And now I cannot even begin to imagine what my life would be had He not shown up. And Thankfully I will never have to.
In any case, my sister Sarah is one of His as well. Together we conceived of a video in dedication to Him. Song of the Siren it is all for Him in honor of his patience and his Love. See below for the video