So there are things…

 

As many of you may have read last year I made oaths to Loki as a spouse.  As a result many things happened in the wake of that oath – now the oath I made to Him was not what many would consider ‘spousal’ the oath made was simple and direct:

I promised Him that I would always Honor Him and to that end I would hold myself to  a higher Standard, to push myself to meet the challenges put before me and to always honor He and His Family.  I will also do all in my power to help dispel the misconceptions about Him and bring The Truth of his Character into the light so that the prejudices and stigmas begin to dissipate and those of us that DO Give Him Honor need not do it in darkened corners of the world far from the eyes of those we would normally call our community.

That said, I fucked up.  And while many many good things have happened – my art has developed  IMMENSELY, my income has increased as a result and I have met many wonderful people as well.  But like I said,  I fucked up.  And I fucked up BAD.  As a result I not only hurt but I betrayed and disgraced the person I love the most in this world, and for that I ache every day.

I had thought (mistakenly) that I was clear with Adam about what was going on and what my oaths and everything else were.  Truly, I really did think I was clear, I thought he understood what was happening. And that it would not violate any oaths to him at all (see oaths made above).  Not understanding this I planned a ritual to formalize my oaths at troth moot in California with a friend Horsing Loki and another horsing Odin as witness to my oaths.   What I did not do however was to explicitly ask Adam if he was ok with what I had planned .  He was not.  He viewed it as a betrayal of trust, a breach of my marriage vows to him and a desertion of my honor.  His view is that I did not enter into a divine marriage but that I “married someone else”  – his view of the divine is not what mine is.  As such He feels betrayed.  I understand why he does.  And I apologize.

In posting the many things here about Adams understanding (I genuinely thought he had) and the idea that he agreed and supported everything, I also disgraced him in many ways.  This was not ok.  This was damaging beyond belief and all of this has very nearly cost me my marriage…  Now we are in therapy individually and with our minister.  How it plays out still remains to be seen.

But this I know.  I hurt my husband.  I betrayed and disgraced him in many ways.  That is never ok to do to someone you love. In doing what I have done I have brought on an IMMENSE amount of pain to both of us.  There are days I do not know that I will survive.  As I am sure there are days Adam doesn’t know if he will survive with me.  I have struggled much over all of this, and things have been both better and worse.  BUT I will never be able to apologize enough for the wrongs I committed against my husband.

As for Loki, Loki is still very much a part of my life, I am His Gydhia, I do His work, and I have on pretty good authority that labels mean shit to Him and doing what I do is just fine.

But first and foremost I am my own person, who is wholly devoted to my marriage to a mortal husband that I love.  Yes we have some pretty major hurdles to overcome and MAJOR communications issues but like any relationship it’s a work in progress.

I love my husband more than I can express, but I also hurt him more than I have words for, and hurt myself as well.

Our gods are not passive, they demand accountability.  If I am going to follow the Gods I follow and live the way I do I must first hold myself accountable.

Adam, I love you.  I am more sorry than I can ever begin to express…

Please remember this…  You are the Love of My life….  pay attention to the words on the screen…  I don’t know if you remember but this was on the soundtrack at our second wedding Winter Solstice 2008…

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An Artists rant

for me, it begins with an idea, whether it is an idea that someoen asks if i can do or an idea that is from ‘nowhere’.

See the idea goes from mind/spirit energy to physical energy.  when it comes to the physical part that involves materials… gemstones, metal etc.  when i craft somethign for my shop its because i have the required materials avaialbel  and have them ready to be used and for sale.  Understand that currently Sterling wire – which is the bulk of what i work with – is running around 60.00 per ounce of wire – which is about 12 feet of 18g wire.  that sounds liek a lot of wire when you are talkign abotu jewelry, but its not… Really its not.

I’m at the mercy of the silver market and well that just sucks.  but anyhow I have the metal on hand to do things for sale right away.  Unless I get diverted to other things liek customorders and weekends away.

Now I have always been flexible on payment and terms with my work but honestly with market prices i cannot afford that now.  in the last 2 months i have had no less than 6 people request specifics and then either not give me a deposit, not pay for it at all.  this leaves me with a supply shortage and becuase I sunk money ionto their projects “RIGHT NOW” I no longer havethe funds avaialable in my bank account.  This time its the inability to restock in time for an event and that sux mightily but its at least not teh difference in eatig or not liek it can be froe some.

Bottom line here….  you can ask me to craft soemthign for you anytime

but unless you at LEAST give me supply cost UP FRONT I’m going to laugh you out the door…

The Family Jewels ~ The Adoration of Glut

 

 

 

As you all know Loki bade me make a collection for His Family.  I have posted Sigyns Aqua and that design has found its home in a Devotees home.  This piece, for Glut has a very special place for me since She Claimed me.  She wrapped Her Self around me as a blanket of the sunrise. .Tthe colors of the night sky coming to the light of dawn…. made with peacock pearls, blue swarovski crystals, blue niobium rings, copper rings, copper wire and purple blue niobium wire and 3 azotic Topaz Stones

 


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Shrine to Glut

Shrine to Glut

I have had a good deal of Gnosis with this too often forgotten Goddess/being.  She was Loki’s First Wife and bore Him Two daughters.  She has Claimed me as much as the Rest Of Them have, quite possibly more…

May the caress of Dawns Glow warm your in the coldness and bring light to your dark…

On loyalty and faith

So, there is a group I’m in (gee imagine that) where one member of the group is driving virtually the entire group batshit with her godhopping BS (at least from what I can tell…..

the complaint is _________ has deserted  me AGAIN about a host of gods or some variation of that.  And she claims to be ‘tired of reading the same thing over and over….

Ok my take on faith….  Its FAITH!!!!  Just because you don’t have your patron or matron god/dess ion your ear buzzing every moment of the day  (or for that matter week) doesn’t mean you have been deserted!.  MOST people do not have an ongoing diatribe with deity.

faith

[feyth]

noun

1.confidence or trust in a person or thing: faith in another’s ability.

2.belief that is not based on proof: He had faith that the hypothesis would be substantiated by fact.

3.belief in God or in the doctrines or teachings of religionthe firm faith of the Pilgrims.

4.belief in anything, as a code of ethics, standards of merit, etc.: to be of the same faith with someone concerning honesty.

5.a system of religious belief: the Christian faith; the Jewish faith.

faith  [feyth]  Show IPA

Part of Speech:            noun

Definition:       trust in something

Synonyms:       acceptance, allegiance, assent, assurance, belief, certainty, certitude, confidence, constancy, conviction, credence, credit, credulity, dependence, faithfulness, fealty, fidelity, hope, loyalty, reliance, stock, store, sureness, surety, troth, truth, truthfulness

Now those are dictionary and thesaurus entries but let me give you my personal view of faith…

Faith is the thing that says don’t give up even when you have no tangible evidence that what you believe in is really there.  In fact for me faith is powerfully connected to the intangible things, much more so than the things that are tangible.

Now lets put the shoe on the opposite foot….  Say YOU are the God/dess in question….  Are you (having millions of devotees) going to be hanging about with the person that complains constantly about what you want from them and whines about being deserted?  REALLY?  Noe in general as a human when we are pissed off with someone we stop hanging out with them.  Why wouldn’t a deity be the same way?  I mean in this case we are talking about NORSE GODS!  These are not fluffy bunny gods, they demand our troth our ownership of our deeds and most importantly (to me anyhow) they demand out faith not crumble with a simple breath of air.

But also the thing that really gets me is this.  I will always totally support anyone’s personal search for truth.  ALWAYS, but in order to find that truth you can’t just give up on finding it whenever the wind blows the opposite direction.  becasue when you do that you will NEVER find it….