So there are things…

 

As many of you may have read last year I made oaths to Loki as a spouse.  As a result many things happened in the wake of that oath – now the oath I made to Him was not what many would consider ‘spousal’ the oath made was simple and direct:

I promised Him that I would always Honor Him and to that end I would hold myself to  a higher Standard, to push myself to meet the challenges put before me and to always honor He and His Family.  I will also do all in my power to help dispel the misconceptions about Him and bring The Truth of his Character into the light so that the prejudices and stigmas begin to dissipate and those of us that DO Give Him Honor need not do it in darkened corners of the world far from the eyes of those we would normally call our community.

That said, I fucked up.  And while many many good things have happened – my art has developed  IMMENSELY, my income has increased as a result and I have met many wonderful people as well.  But like I said,  I fucked up.  And I fucked up BAD.  As a result I not only hurt but I betrayed and disgraced the person I love the most in this world, and for that I ache every day.

I had thought (mistakenly) that I was clear with Adam about what was going on and what my oaths and everything else were.  Truly, I really did think I was clear, I thought he understood what was happening. And that it would not violate any oaths to him at all (see oaths made above).  Not understanding this I planned a ritual to formalize my oaths at troth moot in California with a friend Horsing Loki and another horsing Odin as witness to my oaths.   What I did not do however was to explicitly ask Adam if he was ok with what I had planned .  He was not.  He viewed it as a betrayal of trust, a breach of my marriage vows to him and a desertion of my honor.  His view is that I did not enter into a divine marriage but that I “married someone else”  – his view of the divine is not what mine is.  As such He feels betrayed.  I understand why he does.  And I apologize.

In posting the many things here about Adams understanding (I genuinely thought he had) and the idea that he agreed and supported everything, I also disgraced him in many ways.  This was not ok.  This was damaging beyond belief and all of this has very nearly cost me my marriage…  Now we are in therapy individually and with our minister.  How it plays out still remains to be seen.

But this I know.  I hurt my husband.  I betrayed and disgraced him in many ways.  That is never ok to do to someone you love. In doing what I have done I have brought on an IMMENSE amount of pain to both of us.  There are days I do not know that I will survive.  As I am sure there are days Adam doesn’t know if he will survive with me.  I have struggled much over all of this, and things have been both better and worse.  BUT I will never be able to apologize enough for the wrongs I committed against my husband.

As for Loki, Loki is still very much a part of my life, I am His Gydhia, I do His work, and I have on pretty good authority that labels mean shit to Him and doing what I do is just fine.

But first and foremost I am my own person, who is wholly devoted to my marriage to a mortal husband that I love.  Yes we have some pretty major hurdles to overcome and MAJOR communications issues but like any relationship it’s a work in progress.

I love my husband more than I can express, but I also hurt him more than I have words for, and hurt myself as well.

Our gods are not passive, they demand accountability.  If I am going to follow the Gods I follow and live the way I do I must first hold myself accountable.

Adam, I love you.  I am more sorry than I can ever begin to express…

Please remember this…  You are the Love of My life….  pay attention to the words on the screen…  I don’t know if you remember but this was on the soundtrack at our second wedding Winter Solstice 2008…

1305260_10201836482973804_1768669226_n1278426_10201832763400817_1690737093_n

The Divine Gift of Laughter

Why yes, this is a speciality of Loki IMO.  Yesterday I had the great blessing of being in a photo shoot for an article in the Pretty Pear Bride  on Second chance Love.  My husband and I have been married for 13 years and he is my second (and third) husband.  So we were featured as the long term relationship.  The pictures – from what I hear are fantastic.  The goal was to capture the spirit of our relationship.  We were making faces at each other, playing around and I even shocked him by hanging out a window scaring him to bits!.  There was much laughter to be had.  After that we made dinner for my sister Morgan and her husband then we invited Loki into our hearth and bade him enjoy our company and drink with us in honor of all of our sisters, brothers, husbands, wives, partners, sons and daughters.  We then played Cards Against Humanity which is TOTALLY  Lokean IMO.  Irreverant, twisty, hysterical and strange thought provoking.  Though that is only a small part of Who He Is it is an important part.  I honestly believe that humor and laughter is the purest gift we can receive from the Divine.  IT comes to s uncorruptable.  Laughter IS, it promotes healing (endorphins) and it just makes you feel good.  Lower vibrations just do not comprehend it at all really either.  They sort of look at you like you’ve just grown some strange appendage out of your eyeball while standing there.

I say this all because too often we forget that laughter is a gift.  It is something to be treasured and reveled in and honored!  I think Loki is especially appreciative of it all.  And Sometimes He sees fit to reveal Himself intimately in these moments is some very unexpected ways.

Hail Loki King of Fools!

sketchbook_fool_iles2

On loyalty and faith

So, there is a group I’m in (gee imagine that) where one member of the group is driving virtually the entire group batshit with her godhopping BS (at least from what I can tell…..

the complaint is _________ has deserted  me AGAIN about a host of gods or some variation of that.  And she claims to be ‘tired of reading the same thing over and over….

Ok my take on faith….  Its FAITH!!!!  Just because you don’t have your patron or matron god/dess ion your ear buzzing every moment of the day  (or for that matter week) doesn’t mean you have been deserted!.  MOST people do not have an ongoing diatribe with deity.

faith

[feyth]

noun

1.confidence or trust in a person or thing: faith in another’s ability.

2.belief that is not based on proof: He had faith that the hypothesis would be substantiated by fact.

3.belief in God or in the doctrines or teachings of religionthe firm faith of the Pilgrims.

4.belief in anything, as a code of ethics, standards of merit, etc.: to be of the same faith with someone concerning honesty.

5.a system of religious belief: the Christian faith; the Jewish faith.

faith  [feyth]  Show IPA

Part of Speech:            noun

Definition:       trust in something

Synonyms:       acceptance, allegiance, assent, assurance, belief, certainty, certitude, confidence, constancy, conviction, credence, credit, credulity, dependence, faithfulness, fealty, fidelity, hope, loyalty, reliance, stock, store, sureness, surety, troth, truth, truthfulness

Now those are dictionary and thesaurus entries but let me give you my personal view of faith…

Faith is the thing that says don’t give up even when you have no tangible evidence that what you believe in is really there.  In fact for me faith is powerfully connected to the intangible things, much more so than the things that are tangible.

Now lets put the shoe on the opposite foot….  Say YOU are the God/dess in question….  Are you (having millions of devotees) going to be hanging about with the person that complains constantly about what you want from them and whines about being deserted?  REALLY?  Noe in general as a human when we are pissed off with someone we stop hanging out with them.  Why wouldn’t a deity be the same way?  I mean in this case we are talking about NORSE GODS!  These are not fluffy bunny gods, they demand our troth our ownership of our deeds and most importantly (to me anyhow) they demand out faith not crumble with a simple breath of air.

But also the thing that really gets me is this.  I will always totally support anyone’s personal search for truth.  ALWAYS, but in order to find that truth you can’t just give up on finding it whenever the wind blows the opposite direction.  becasue when you do that you will NEVER find it….

The Family Jewels!

Ok, As y’all know I am a crafter of fine Shiney Things…. I am looking for some input from you regarding what stones you associate with Loki’s Family – IE His children.

I already have the stones for His Mother and two of his 3 wives. Laufey – Peridot, Sigyn – Aquamarine, Glut – Azotic Topaz (or possibly Fire Opal Still pondering that one)

 

So, As i said – looking for input on what stones you associate with His children AND WHY you make that association

 

Thanks so much in advance I would have put this in the social but I want a larger pool to draw from and am Deadly serious, I want to honor ALL of them, I have my own associations naturally but My intention is to create this as a specific collection that will be ongoing for my shop.

 

Lokisfamily concept pieces

My dear friend Beth crafted this for Loki and I after He told me I needed to commission it from her, I gave her virtually no input other than She needed to be the one to do it, and He would tell her what He required of it.

I feel particularly blessed as Beth was given allowance by Her Spouse Odin to do this project for Us during not just her devotional month to Odin but also during the sacred time of the Yuletide. I cannot begin to express my gratitude for her work, her blessing and the Blessings of Alfather to complete this for Loki and I…

Reblogged from Wytch of the North – Yule Seidhr

Beth has done a great service to Spirit workers and many others I share this with the prayer that I asked she read to All Father…

Alfather, I have held bitterness toward you for many years for the blood you have taken from me. I am sorry for holding it so long, through various means and messengers I know the necessecity of it and that it hurt you as well, but it has been for far greater purpose that it was done. I thank you for the lessons and the gifts. This woman, This incredible amazing woman has been a great blessing to me and has helped me with so much clarity. Many is the time I called (and still do) you harsh and unfriendly names, many is the time I have thought your behavior too harsh but I know now that even in the pain and sorrow that you were by my side and suffering it with me not just flinging it at me. I also thank you for keeping me in the right places at the right times, for teh strength and power I know is mine through being Your Dottir. For the gifts of words, and hands and craft. I thank you for my husband. for my children and the love they teach me. for the beauty of knowing that I am gifted. beyond measure. I thank you alfather and honor you humbly and with love and resepect. without bitterness that was once there. Loki. For All of it, Hela – for more than I ever imagined I could be and all of your lessons And finally, for you and Jo – and all of your gifts to me and your service to All

I have edited this to include A note I received from Jo – Beths partner, warder and scribe because it – i suppose much in the same way my prayer touched them – has touched ME…

Hey Michelle, just a quick note. Normally, once seidhr is done, I pretend I’ve seen nothing of the inquiries and messages and the like, because I’m Scribe and Warder, and that’s about it, and it’s not my business. But I had to ignore that for this: in the time that we’ve been doing seidhr, you are the *first* to offer something that gives back instead of asks for something, and that was incredibly touching. Also, knowing all the shit Odin gets (I do it too!), it was very moving to see an apology, an acknowledgement of His greater wisdom, and love despite hardship. Thank you for sharing that with us. I want badly to hug you right now, so consider yourself cyber-hugged.

Loki Hearts Embrace

I sit next to my husband in the van after we have dropped off the oldest  child at her BFF’s  place for a sleep over.  We are listening to The Avengers.  The “KNEEL!” scene.  I say to husband that If I were in front of Loki and He said to kneel  before Him I would drop without hesitation.  Husband says he would not, then I explain why I would.   Why would I kneel or bow or any of it to Loki?  Simple, He is my God, I know without question that He would not ask it of me if there were not reason.  Loki is many things to be sure, but I have never known Him to do anything to a Devotee without valid reason for doing it.  My wonderful husband thought that made sense.

I sat there listening to whatever came on next – I had faded into some place else.  Then I felt it.  Warmth in front of me, then a hand on my chest, just over my heart, gentle pressure.  Then it was through my chest, holding my heart.  Gently holding it.  Then, it began t get warm, and glow.  It was an Ember, from His sacred Flame.

Even now it melts the single remaining bit of ice with my heart… there is no need for it to be there any longer.

The Bracelet He wanted has now been reworked.  Loki HeartsEmbrace…

Red Fire Agate, Black Dragon Vein Agate and Silver enameled Copper…..

Image