So there are things…

 

As many of you may have read last year I made oaths to Loki as a spouse.  As a result many things happened in the wake of that oath – now the oath I made to Him was not what many would consider ‘spousal’ the oath made was simple and direct:

I promised Him that I would always Honor Him and to that end I would hold myself to  a higher Standard, to push myself to meet the challenges put before me and to always honor He and His Family.  I will also do all in my power to help dispel the misconceptions about Him and bring The Truth of his Character into the light so that the prejudices and stigmas begin to dissipate and those of us that DO Give Him Honor need not do it in darkened corners of the world far from the eyes of those we would normally call our community.

That said, I fucked up.  And while many many good things have happened – my art has developed  IMMENSELY, my income has increased as a result and I have met many wonderful people as well.  But like I said,  I fucked up.  And I fucked up BAD.  As a result I not only hurt but I betrayed and disgraced the person I love the most in this world, and for that I ache every day.

I had thought (mistakenly) that I was clear with Adam about what was going on and what my oaths and everything else were.  Truly, I really did think I was clear, I thought he understood what was happening. And that it would not violate any oaths to him at all (see oaths made above).  Not understanding this I planned a ritual to formalize my oaths at troth moot in California with a friend Horsing Loki and another horsing Odin as witness to my oaths.   What I did not do however was to explicitly ask Adam if he was ok with what I had planned .  He was not.  He viewed it as a betrayal of trust, a breach of my marriage vows to him and a desertion of my honor.  His view is that I did not enter into a divine marriage but that I “married someone else”  – his view of the divine is not what mine is.  As such He feels betrayed.  I understand why he does.  And I apologize.

In posting the many things here about Adams understanding (I genuinely thought he had) and the idea that he agreed and supported everything, I also disgraced him in many ways.  This was not ok.  This was damaging beyond belief and all of this has very nearly cost me my marriage…  Now we are in therapy individually and with our minister.  How it plays out still remains to be seen.

But this I know.  I hurt my husband.  I betrayed and disgraced him in many ways.  That is never ok to do to someone you love. In doing what I have done I have brought on an IMMENSE amount of pain to both of us.  There are days I do not know that I will survive.  As I am sure there are days Adam doesn’t know if he will survive with me.  I have struggled much over all of this, and things have been both better and worse.  BUT I will never be able to apologize enough for the wrongs I committed against my husband.

As for Loki, Loki is still very much a part of my life, I am His Gydhia, I do His work, and I have on pretty good authority that labels mean shit to Him and doing what I do is just fine.

But first and foremost I am my own person, who is wholly devoted to my marriage to a mortal husband that I love.  Yes we have some pretty major hurdles to overcome and MAJOR communications issues but like any relationship it’s a work in progress.

I love my husband more than I can express, but I also hurt him more than I have words for, and hurt myself as well.

Our gods are not passive, they demand accountability.  If I am going to follow the Gods I follow and live the way I do I must first hold myself accountable.

Adam, I love you.  I am more sorry than I can ever begin to express…

Please remember this…  You are the Love of My life….  pay attention to the words on the screen…  I don’t know if you remember but this was on the soundtrack at our second wedding Winter Solstice 2008…

1305260_10201836482973804_1768669226_n1278426_10201832763400817_1690737093_n

Advertisements

An Artists rant

for me, it begins with an idea, whether it is an idea that someoen asks if i can do or an idea that is from ‘nowhere’.

See the idea goes from mind/spirit energy to physical energy.  when it comes to the physical part that involves materials… gemstones, metal etc.  when i craft somethign for my shop its because i have the required materials avaialbel  and have them ready to be used and for sale.  Understand that currently Sterling wire – which is the bulk of what i work with – is running around 60.00 per ounce of wire – which is about 12 feet of 18g wire.  that sounds liek a lot of wire when you are talkign abotu jewelry, but its not… Really its not.

I’m at the mercy of the silver market and well that just sucks.  but anyhow I have the metal on hand to do things for sale right away.  Unless I get diverted to other things liek customorders and weekends away.

Now I have always been flexible on payment and terms with my work but honestly with market prices i cannot afford that now.  in the last 2 months i have had no less than 6 people request specifics and then either not give me a deposit, not pay for it at all.  this leaves me with a supply shortage and becuase I sunk money ionto their projects “RIGHT NOW” I no longer havethe funds avaialable in my bank account.  This time its the inability to restock in time for an event and that sux mightily but its at least not teh difference in eatig or not liek it can be froe some.

Bottom line here….  you can ask me to craft soemthign for you anytime

but unless you at LEAST give me supply cost UP FRONT I’m going to laugh you out the door…

FUNDRAISING AUCTIONS!

YEsterday I posted a link to help raise funds for KveldufR and Sagadis to get to Trothmoot wiht the promise that we woudl be adding auctions for those taht wished to contribute in that way well… Keep an eye out becuase I will be adding them thru the day and week!

http://www.ebay.com/itm/190824147576?ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1555.l2649 Gothic Chainmaille Choker


il_570xN.445406649_srmp

http://www.ebay.com/itm/190826421353?ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1555.l2649  People Die Here Signed Print

B1

http://www.ebay.com/itm/190826435011?ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1555.l2649  Grandmothers Tree Signed Print

b2


http://www.ebay.com/itm/190826485234?ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1555.l2649  Great Goddess Rune Set

2013-04-16 11.36.122013-04-16 11.36.35

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=190826466440 Edred Thorssons Northern Magic

2013-04-16 11.48.25

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=190826541340#ht_562wt_1397 – Melodi’s Psychic Readings!

The Family Jewels ~ The Adoration of Glut

 

 

 

As you all know Loki bade me make a collection for His Family.  I have posted Sigyns Aqua and that design has found its home in a Devotees home.  This piece, for Glut has a very special place for me since She Claimed me.  She wrapped Her Self around me as a blanket of the sunrise. .Tthe colors of the night sky coming to the light of dawn…. made with peacock pearls, blue swarovski crystals, blue niobium rings, copper rings, copper wire and purple blue niobium wire and 3 azotic Topaz Stones

 


closerup2 glutfinished2 2013-02-23 10.26 finishedglutcloseup1

Shrine to Glut

Shrine to Glut

I have had a good deal of Gnosis with this too often forgotten Goddess/being.  She was Loki’s First Wife and bore Him Two daughters.  She has Claimed me as much as the Rest Of Them have, quite possibly more…

May the caress of Dawns Glow warm your in the coldness and bring light to your dark…

The Divine Gift of Laughter

Why yes, this is a speciality of Loki IMO.  Yesterday I had the great blessing of being in a photo shoot for an article in the Pretty Pear Bride  on Second chance Love.  My husband and I have been married for 13 years and he is my second (and third) husband.  So we were featured as the long term relationship.  The pictures – from what I hear are fantastic.  The goal was to capture the spirit of our relationship.  We were making faces at each other, playing around and I even shocked him by hanging out a window scaring him to bits!.  There was much laughter to be had.  After that we made dinner for my sister Morgan and her husband then we invited Loki into our hearth and bade him enjoy our company and drink with us in honor of all of our sisters, brothers, husbands, wives, partners, sons and daughters.  We then played Cards Against Humanity which is TOTALLY  Lokean IMO.  Irreverant, twisty, hysterical and strange thought provoking.  Though that is only a small part of Who He Is it is an important part.  I honestly believe that humor and laughter is the purest gift we can receive from the Divine.  IT comes to s uncorruptable.  Laughter IS, it promotes healing (endorphins) and it just makes you feel good.  Lower vibrations just do not comprehend it at all really either.  They sort of look at you like you’ve just grown some strange appendage out of your eyeball while standing there.

I say this all because too often we forget that laughter is a gift.  It is something to be treasured and reveled in and honored!  I think Loki is especially appreciative of it all.  And Sometimes He sees fit to reveal Himself intimately in these moments is some very unexpected ways.

Hail Loki King of Fools!

sketchbook_fool_iles2